My life has reached doomsday. I am a planner. I have always had 30 different crazy options for my life and suddenly, they've all met their fate...
Last year when I left Las Vegas, I knew I would only be in London for 6 months on my temporary visa but I was already planning and figuring out what I would do when I came back. I had a hard time deciding where I should move. Las Vegas was no longer appealing so I had to jump ship. Arizona looked promising with a great YSA scene but something wasn't quite right. Utah seemed unappealing and full of boring Mormons but the idea stuck for some reason. I was so ashamed I couldn't bring myself to admit to anyone that Utah was alluring. I took the easy way out and decided I needed to be spontaneous so I planned on deciding later.
Right before I left London my family fell into crisis so I decided that I would stay in California for about 6 months. I wanted to be home to strengthen ties and be a support. Although things were more complicated than expected, I feel like I've done what I came here to do. I honestly hate southern California. The traffic, the materialistic vibe, the terrible job market... it's all crap.
Whilst in London, I started dating a guy who is so cool I wanted to try the long distance thing. He's an American studying for a masters and wouldn't you know it, the one place in the world where he would go home to in June would be *drumroll* UTAH. As of a few weeks ago, I have accepted defeat and I am moving to Provo, Utah.
Utah, in my mind, is Mormon hell. It's the robot factory with amazing outdoor sporting activities. It's poufy hair and a jello contest. It's Molly Mormons and Peter Priesthoods who hide their sins with good intentions and plates of cookies.
I know it can't be that terrible though. It'll be what I make it. In the times that I'm able to beat back the monsters of hypocrisy and hopeless negativity, I am able to see the allure; four seasons, a people with good morals, not needing to lock my doors, a decent job market, and a new city to be dominated. I'm NOT afraid of a challenge and just the fact that the image in my mind is so horrible, it makes me want to go and kick butt even more. I'm pretty sure that I will end up loving it.
The next uncertainty I'm faced with is a job/education. I have recently been craving classes. I hope it's a phase... but I can't help but feel like I'm not progressing unless I'm in a classroom. I've basically been conditioned to require a report card and pieces of papers with gold stars. Curse you Education! So what do I do? Get a masters in my field that will put me in debt up to my eyeballs and leave me with a piece of paper and no real world experience? Why didn't I want to be a doctor or nurse? Sigh.
Next item of uncertainty: age. Whew... quarter of a century. It's quite the milestone. It just hit me. I think the word I'll use is "confusing". I feel like a kid... but I'm supposed to be a grown-up now? Scary.
Uncertainty(Age + job + moving plans)= Anxious Misty. I know I'll figure everything out but to my 'planner' mind, I'm not only off course, I'm on a new one looking at the old map.
Despite all the fears, I am extremely optimistic and excited to start a new and unplanned chapter in my life. I think it has potential to change everything for better. Here I come Utah!
3 comments:
I love your guts! Uncertainty sucks...let me tell you, but it will all work out. Welcome to Utah. It's ok here!
Misty Mooooooo - you failed to mention that part where you know you want to visit Australia one day because of your life defining Australian room mate in London!!! P.S. Whatever your plans make it your own, own it and you'll be just fine and dandy!!!
First off, if you ever call my blog's use of poetry as cliche, I will hunt you down and eat your children! No time constraints are included here, because obviously you don't have kids yet. But someday... :)
Second, as you said, Utah--just like everything in life--will be what you make of it. Half of the people in your singles ward up there won't even be from Utah; they'll be random vagrants just passing through for an education or whatever: just like you. It drives me nuts when people who live outside of Utah think they know anything about living in Utah or the people there. One of the best years of my life was the year I lived in Utah, going to UVSC. Certainly there are those who use religion as a front to be accepted or whatever, but seriously...most of the Utahns I've met are great people who are just trying to make it through life the same as you or I. Give them a chance.
Have fun, get crunk, and don't waste your time trying to determine who or what people from Utah are until you live there and can see first hand.
P.s. My blog's poems rock. They absolutely rock.
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